…or save it till he or she is adult and mature enough to handle the consequences? Would it differ if it were your son, or if it were your daughter?
I mean when he or she brings up that topic
Originally posted 2009-04-13 16:27:35.
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As a parent, would you tell your kid to save it for marriage?
…or save it till he or she is adult and mature enough to handle the consequences? Would it differ if it were your son, or if it were your daughter?
I mean when he or she brings up that topic
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
You want the truth?
No I wouldn´t, and it wouldn`t matter if I had a boy or a girl.
This is an important part of marriage, so at least I would advice to do it with her/his future half.
Just in case…
But, no, I wouldn´t tell them to save it for marriage…
I will tell my son to save it for marriage. I don’t think he will listen to me though, so i will get one of my nephews (who will be a grown up than) to make sure that he has condoms for protection just in case he don’t listen to me.
I want all three of my kids to wait until they are married. But if they do decide to have sex before marriage, I would hope that they are old enough and mature enough to handle the consequences……
First, I wouldn’t wait until they bring it up. This subject will be discussed at a young age so that it is instilled in them for years. Plus, there are 10 yr olds out there having sex….crazy, but true.
I will definately tell my children that they should wait until marriage, but deep down I know that isn’t likely. I will also tell them how to be safe and smart about sex and the consequences of not being safe or smart.
have told that to my 17 year old daughter since she was small and she is still a virgin….
Saving it for marriage is not a realistic stance. People just like to shut their ears and pretend like high schoolers are abstinent little angels…not true.
Teach kids to be responsible so when they are mature enough they can start having sex without problems such as STDs, teen pregnancy, etc. Parents refuse to acknowledge that their children are as they once were and should be taught to be safe, not to refrain altogether.
I think you can tell kids to save it for marriage but a lot of the time they won’t so just talk about both saving it for marriage and when they themselves feel there ready but also let them know what can happen; as far as pregnancy, stds, and other things that can happen and most importantly how to use birth control/condoms and any other way to protect themselves
I hope to have an open enough relationship with my children that it is not a ‘one time’ conversation, but rather ongoing lessons in life and love.
I WILL advise my children to wait until they are married or in a committed long term relationship, and physically, emotionally, and financially ready to have children of their own. I think it’s important to remind young people that there is NO fail safe method of birth control (other than abstinence), and that they should make sure they are ready for the possible ramifications of sexual activity before indulging in them.
I will also make sure my children are educated in birth control use, STD’s, and other dangers of sexual activity, in case they choose to ignore my advise to wait.
I would tell them as soon as they are able to understand what you are trying to tell them. If you wait too long and the other peers get to them first and corrupt them, then they’ll never believe you. Makes no difference, both should know how to be morally responsible irregardless of what others say or feel about being morally responsible.
yes, and i do. i tell them to wait for marriage every time the subject comes up. doesn’t matter if it’s my son or daughter (whether they’re 11 or 19).
I don’t think it’s realistic that they will wait until marriage. My only hope is that when they do it, they will have the good sense to come to me or my husband to get the skinny on protecting themselves. If they are going to do it, I think it’s our job to try to keep them level headed and safe about it.
yes save it for marriage. i have told my son about all the downsides(std’s) where they come from, what the affect is and we have had detailed discussions about children and the responsibilities $$$$$ Be straight with them, give them all the info they need, point to examples. Good luck
do you want top tell your kids to save it for marriage? i am 16 and i honestly can’t tell you whether i will have mine when i’m married but i plan to and i have it now. so if you believe they should then i say tell them but my parents raised me where they didn’t really tell me they told me that’s what’s right. my mom was 16 and married with two kids so i don’t think she could kill me if i lost it.
First off they don’t bring up the topic. The parent has to bring it up. I would just have a talk with them, tell them the consequences of their actions (std’s, teen pregnancy etc) and then let them make the decision for themselves. I’m not so much concerned if it is before or after marriage than that they practice safe sex. If it were my son I’d tell him not to let a girl tell him don’t worry i’m on birth control but to use a condom every time. If it were my daughter I’d teach her not to let guys take advantage of her and also practice safe sex. You have to know your own children and adjust accordingly.
There would be no differants between my son and daughter.I would tell both of them to save it for marriage and so on, but I would have someone in the family (an older one) to talk to them and make sure that they know all about STD’s and comdoms. That way they dont have my permition and that I dont argee to it. But they also know what to do it it dose happen.
I would be honest with my child and give them all the info they needed such as the consequences and provide them with protection. If you just tell your child no then you are being very unrealistic. In this day and age they need to know that no matter what they come to you for you will not judge them and will provide them with the best information. I would tell them my suggestion to wait but lets not be naive.
I am going to be open and honest with my child. I will enforce waiting till they are married but chances of that happening are slim to none. My mother learnt from growing up that sex needs to be discussed, her mother never told her about sex, made it feel shameful to speak about it, and on the day of her wedding, she was terrified. She hated her mother for that, and growing up she made sure she never did that to my brother and I. So I think parents should be open about sex and talk about it when their kids starting asking, or are at that age. Its something that will happen, and if your open minded, its easier to accept when you find out your child is sexually active.
My parents did and I did. But for me my abstinence had little to do with church or my parents although in fairness their influence did contribute. For me if I ever got into a situation I always thought things like what if?. . she got pregnant, is this someone I want to have conflicts with for the rest of my life? What if I got sick? I COULD DIE at worst and best embarrassed for getting the clap or whatever. So I settled for perfecting my foreplay, which can be satisfying too.
If you have a daughter, IT IS EXTREMELY important because historically women and girls who get pregnant or sick feel more alone and helpless then boys. Not to mention how gullible and trusting teen age girls are when being manipulated by opportunistic teen age boys.
I hope this helps, DONT BE SCARED.
I asked my mom about stuff like that when I was younger. She told me that she would love me to wait but since she can’t be at my side every second and she will one day be unable to make my decisions in life that if I can’t wait, protect myself. All we had was girls. 4 women in the house with a period every weekof the month so my dad wasn’t to into the talk. Even the pets were girls except for the turtle.
As a parent of three I say absolutely. What I tell my sixteen year old and have been since she was younger, is that it is better if she saves it for marriage. If she dont, that she should wait until she is in an adult committed loving relationship. That with sex comes feelings that she is not ready for and that a boy will tell her anything to get her to have sex. This is true no matter how much guys try to deny it. Its not to say every boy but the majority. As far as raising my son I plan on raising him the same way. Girls very often are the aggressor too. I think that sex should be saved for that very special person. The people that dont wait generally regret it when that special person comes along. I want to add I told my daughter that if she decides not to wait, which I am opposed to, then to make sure to use condoms. Although I wont provide them because I do not condon this behavior. The school gives them out for those that dont know.
Personally, at the age of about 15, I’d likely ask my daughter if she wanted to go on birth control. If she didn’t, the offer would still stand whenever she thought she was ready.
This whole save it for marriage thing is archaic; it comes from a time when women were PROPERTY and were considered worthless if they didn’t bleed like a stuck pig when their husbands virtually raped them on the wedding night. Do I want to promote that in young women today? NO WAY!
Young people should be educated on safe sex, and be given the resources to make safe, smart decisions.
My kids will be saving themselves until marriage.
I know it’s unrealistic in today’s world but, I would tell them that I hope that they would save it till they were married. After all it’s a sin it’s got a name.
Fornication!
I guess saying to wait for marriage is what parents are supposed to say. (who gives permission for there kid to have Sex?) But really is that going to happen? Probably not. I did not wait. How many people did? In these times it is even less kids that wait then when I was a teen. So having the talk and telling them to wait is okay I guess but really they should be taught about protection (not only for pregnancy but for STD’s)I would rather be safe than sorry
I would tell my child not to have sex before the age of 18 because he or she does not want to risk being a teen parent.
There is not really anything you can do after they hit 18, I mean if you find out they had sex when they are like 16 then you can ground them ad such but once they hit 18 they are free to do what they want, all you can do is tell them your opinion and hope they make the right decision.
To me, marriage has nothing to do with it. Age does ,however. I didn’t wait until I was waiting. I’d still be waiting if I did since we’re not married yet. But I did wait until I was in-love, 18, and living on my own. I think that’s wonderful, so I would encourage all of my children to do the same.
My kids will be taught to save their bodies for marriage like I did. What more precious gift could you give your beloved for your wedding than yourself, untouched, unsullied, no baggage from previous encounters.
Well, I can honestly tell my kids that the only man I have ever been with is their father. Did we wait until we were married? No. Did we wait until we were committed to being together? Yes. Also, I can use the example of my husband’s sister, who got pregnant young, married because of the pregnancy, divorced right after the baby was born, now has two kids by two different fathers, not married to either, and has completely given up hope of ever getting a college education. It will not matter if it’s my son or daughter (and I do have both), they will hear the same things.
I will tell her to do it for the right reasons (not on a party when intoxicated, not just out of curiousity or because of being horny, not to please the boy).
I will tell her that the 1st sex is an event she’ll remember for the rest of her life, so she should do her best to make it a very positive experience.
And I’ll tell her to use BC and condoms to avoid STD, but I won’t tell her to wait until marriage. It would be completely ok with me, if she would wait until marriage, but I don’t expect her to do so.