The whole PROBLEM is based on saying words that hurt one another…….That is it. As simple as it sounds it is tearing us apart. Instead of forgiving and forgetting we always bring up how much we are hurt……We will never get passed this this way. We have 2 children. Ages 1 and 4. This is not fair to them. Or to us. What can we do to save the marriage. We enetered into this thinking we were soulmates. What has happened?
Originally posted 2009-04-02 20:22:01.
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Go see a counsler and work out ur problems. Best wishes
go to a marrige counselor
not the internet.
Talk to each other figure out what’s best. You may need to seek professional help. Good Luck!
it could be one is having an afair and maybe you both are thinking why try i mean you have to communicate and you have to have councelor to help that is first and foremost even a priest or clergy is best also to help and go from there. take care and good luck
Well, you don’t seem very smart, judging by your spelling of the word downhill and intimacy. Perhaps that dumbness bled into decisions you made in the relationship?
Well…it’s a 50-50 thing. Just stop saying hurtful things. Light some candles, get a neighbor to babysit the kids, and hang out together (and don’t be mean).
go to a theripist thats who
tell him some dirty stuff then put ur tongue in his ear and hop on his lap
If you want to save it then go to a professional counselor or a priest or minister and talk it out. All of these dudes have heard it all for years and can help you and hubby get back on track.
I HIGHLY HIGHLY suggest reading the book The Five Languages of Love by Dr. Gary Chapman. This saved our marriage. It’s a quick read too! Best of luck.
Understand marriage takes work and see a christian marriage counselor. As soon as the intimacy goes so does the faithfulness…. Godd luck
As easy as it is to hurt someone, it is also really easy to make them smile. As soon as you or your husband gets home, act as if you are extremely happy to see him. Smile a sincere smile and have on such a happy attitude that it’s hard to resist. He’ll notice, and appreciate your kindness. Then get out of the house, go on a date night, spend more time holding his hand and being close to him, even if you at first feel as if ALL you are doing is acting. After a while, you will start to genuinely be happy in each other’s presence again.
maybe take a break from each other and then maybe in a month you guys will miss each. While on that time off from each other, just practice what you would do differently.
Don’t give up.
I have read there is no such thing as soulmates any more, it was either a myth, just nice words, or times have changed.
Marriage is tough, it really is, despite how it looks on other people. I hate to say it, takes work and all that.
You need to think of the other person more than yourself, and it best if both partners do that.
But yes, you certainly need a marriage counselor. Really, there’s no other way.
Good luck and God bless. All the best for the kids! You too.
pray
well first i know you always hear ”oh i have finally found my soulmate” well there is no such thing as a perfect marriage nor a perfect person.i think you guys need to sit down and talk about how the past is the past sit down and let him know
when you said this it hurt me.it will take some time ”forgive and forget” now keep the kids out of this and make sure you do not do this in front of the kids
-GOOD LUCK
Recognizing that your words are what is hurting your marriage is a good first step. You need a mediator, finding a good marriage counselor can sometimes be difficult, but once you do and if you’re both committed to fixing your problems, your lives will change.
Ok honestly the first thing you should do is start over fresh n just forget about the past problems… repeatedly bringing them up just makes it worse n doesn’t let the wound heal.secondly if intimacy goes out the window then your gonna lose attention and people are morel likely to cheat when they lose focus or sexual desire for there partner in the end it all about lust.
Thirdly you might wanna get on that persons good side and i know women tend to whine n complain about things i wouldn’t do that makes the person not wanna be around you
but back to sex my best advice is lingerie and do things you did when you were younger…more spontaneity is a good thing cuz you never know whats gonna happened next n it keeps the relationship umm u cud say fresh cuz there always something new I mean theres alot of things you can do it alot so i cant list them all but you can instant message me @ drzpitbull (yahoo,aim,) ask me for tip n things n ill give u my best opinion as u need it ill answer ive alway helped other people i hope this helped
personally, i’m not a counselor kind of guy.
it’s hard for me to give good advice without knowing anything about the both of you.
but i think talking it over without breaking out into a fight might help. wave the white flag. don’t look for who is right or who is wrong. just together find WHAT is wrong.
but i’m not sure if i could recover from that type of situation. even if you manage to reach a cease fire, getting the love back i think might be really hard. if it was me i think i would need the love. and if i was going to try and get that back, then i might try going on a vacation somewhere, where you can talk it out and relax in an environment conducive to rekindling. something where it would be tough to run into situations that might start a fight, like money problems or like fighting over getting lost. so something really simple, like all inclusive hotel style, or maybe a cruise or something. where you just pay once and then you don’t do anything else except for be there. with an option of possibly doing a side trip if things are going well, but the more stuff you try like that the more there is that can go wrong.
if that doesn’t work maybe think about a divorce. if you’re worried about the kids i would say younger the better, because when you are young no matter what happens is normal. plus growing up in a bad atmosphere would probably be worse for them i think.
Remind yourselves of why you two got married and fell in love with the first place. Don’t let something as silly as rude words ruin it. I don’t know how to tell you to stop saying hurtful things to one another – I understand how it happens in the heat of the moment. But even during a fight or an argument, don’t lose sight of what is important. You still know how much you love each other. So just keep thinking of that, don’t ever forget it or let it slip your mind. Get some counseling or some sort of help, if you think you two could benefit from it. I wish you the best of luck.
The one thing I can tell you is there is hope. If you really want to fix it getting counseling is the best thing you can do right now. Everything that you are doing is most likely making it worse. I went to many councillors and none of them helped me but I did find one online that helped me and saved my marriage. I was doing so many things wrong that I was pushing her away from me. One thing you need to do now is get help from a good coach. The couch/councilor I used and still do is Doc. Tim Gardner. Here is a link to his site. . He has a book you fallow that you can download that was not an arm and a leg like many others I tried. What I like about this guy was he had a blog that he posted on every night and answered my questions. I also took coaching over the phone and it was cheaper then going to my councilor. He saved our marriage. I will tell you this my wife and I are back together and are working on our relationship. Its still bumpy and we still have bad days but its getting better. He taught me how to change my thinking and get control of what was going on again and stop doing all the wrong things.. He also taught me how to do this the rest of my life. I know that I would have screwed this up big time without help. I will pray for you.. Don’t give up if you really want to fix it. It may take time but you can get it all back Hang in there… There is hope…
I’m sure that i will come back to your website soon. Keep us posting